This post was originally published and shared by me within my team’s channel (internal.) One thing about Automattic is, the company encourages you to write. Due to its nature as a distributed company where we have been doing remote working Before It Was Cool™?, asynchronous communication through writings is part of the company’s go-to method. Yes, we also have sync communication through Zoom, Around, and what-have-yous. Writing, however, is still something that is close and dear to folks in the company.
I wrote this because I have been facing this thought for quite some time. Perhaps since February, I guess? Although I suspect this has been going on far too long even before the beginning of 2023. I hope that for whoever read this and might feel the same way as I do, take comfort that you are not alone.
Anyway. I blabbed. The post below is copy-pasted from what I wrote on my team’s P2 (P2 is our… Blog-looking internal system to communicate and manage projects) with some word editing.
I love analogies and visualizing things in my head to help me understand things better — and for me to put names on Weird/Big Feelings I have. Lately, I have felt like standing on top of a jelly.
The jelly is my mental state. Like many emotions, it’s jiggly and easy to move. Some folks’ jelly might be firmer, and others might be more movement prone.
Mine? A really jiggly jelly and a combination of a hamster with caffeine.
Things change. The world is not the same after 2020. I even feel we have this collective wish to go back in time and erase that goddamn year and the pandemic, if possible.
What happened for the past 2-3 years feels like it quadrupled and increased every moment (I might exaggerate here.)
While the changes are normal and expected, it’s understandable when things feel… … … Not right. As if we are standing on top of a really jiggly jelly. Some changes, especially the ones that have been discussed and anticipated, are still okay-ish.
Some? Not so. Especially when things feel like coming in droves.
And for some, at least for me, it feels like we are grasping with all of our might to make sure we are still standing on top of the jelly and focusing on not falling down.
And the changes might not always be the major ones. Sometimes, it even comes in the form of small changes. The straw that broke the camel’s back. A different way to report a bug, a different way to follow a process, heck, even a different UI/UX on websites that you used to feel familiar with. Some come in blueberry-sized, and some come in cherry-sized.
Thankfully, we haven’t got the one watermelon-sized (hopefully not, and never!)
And with constant changes, it’s easy to see us struggling and wheezing, trying our best to keep focused. Goal? Motivation? Aspiration? Fuck them. I only want to be able to stand on top of my jelly.
While it’s so easy to see myself standing on top of a jelly, it’s interesting to wonder: “Who put me on top of the jelly in the first place?“
Several days ago, I chatted with my team lead, and they shared how they visualized their journey as mountain hiking. When they mentioned, “… … To see the summit as the goal,” we found what makes my image (jiggly jelly) and theirs (mountain summit) completely different (I even told them, “So that’s how you can keep your calm!”)
Their image is something that they can control. Hiking to the top of the mountain or surfing and riding the waves. It’s something that they know within their means and ability to manage.
Mine is something that I can’t control. The jelly will always be jiggly, even when I’m standing still quietly on top of it. I’m the one who put myself on top of the jelly. As a result, I can’t have a clear goal, let alone see it. I’m too busy balancing myself atop the jelly instead of looking at the bigger picture.
My colleagues (I have the best colleagues in the world. No kidding) shared this article with me.
And you know what? I will use that to go down from the top of the jelly.
- Talk about burnout with friends, family, or trusted coworkers.
- Set boundaries.
- Find little moments of joy
- Bonus: Get a coach! This is special because I always feel overwhelmed when I want to create an appointment. I always thought I was lazy or incompetent because of that. It turns out that it’s a really normal response, and I’m not alone! Knowing this helps me to feel more comfortable and confident in taking another step.
And perhaps, I will no longer stand on top of a really jiggly jelly. I will stand on top of a hill, looking at a mountain summit, and achieve my goal.
There will always be a time when we return to our jelly and have another jiggly-jelly moment while trying to climb a mountain (try to have that image for a moment.) Knowing that we can always talk about the jelly, get down, and climb the mountain again is comforting. Or just to sit for a while.