I’m leaving Automattic.

The first question would always be: “Why?” — Especially, considering the recent ongoing drama in the WordPress community, it’s easy to think if I (finally) left because of misalignment with Matt and the company.

I’d say, it’s more of a 50-50 situation. I have been staying away from the drama and only reading some news articles to keep me in the loop on what has been going on, but I must admit, I’m starting to get affected, and with all the changes going on, I made my decision. The people involved in the lawsuit got to do what they gotta do. As for me, I found that this chapter in my life is good to close. It has been fun.

It was not an easy one. I forged friendships with some of the kindest, most generous, funniest, smartest, and most amazing people in Automattic. When Tasha Bishop joined Automattic as the lead of Dotcom Happiness Division, and asked some of us who have been in the company for more than 3 years why and how we stay, I immediately answered, “The people.” I learned so much from them — and I still don’t know how they can be so patient with me! These are the people who see me using potato filter during team hangout and simply went with their day — and I will always cherish the memories and miss them dearly.

The changes caused by the WP drama have been really difficult for me to handle, and it seeped into how I work and function — both in my personal and work life. That was when I realized that the situation would be unfair for everyone: For Automattic as my employer, for our end users that I support, for my family, and for myself. As selfish as this sounds, I then decided to resign.

So, what’s next?

I’m saying this with my stinky rotten privileges: I don’t know. I don’t know when and how I will jump back into the workforce. Yes, I understand and am well aware that the job market is really bad and has been that way since 2-3 years ago.

That said, I’m going to refocus on myself and my family. Again, I have the privilege to have the option to choose: To be a full-time career/working mother or to be a housewife. Right now, I’m the latter, and damn it, I will do my best. Again, a privilege that I got during my time in Automattic is the opportunity to receive coaching, learning, and meeting and sharing with awesome kind souls. I have said it and I said it again: I learned a lot from them. I learned about myself and how I see the unknown road ahead. Most importantly, I learned to trust myself. I don’t see this as a “step back”. It never was, and it will never is. Before Automattic, I was a housewife, too! It’s a role switch, hahah. This time, I know what to do.

I also have some plans in line — in Indonesian word: “Banyak maunya“:

• Driving school. I can’t drive to save my life. I can’t drive because I’m too terrified/I’m too scared of traffic. I have been thinking of taking a driving lesson, though! Please wish me luck as I come into ongoing traffic while screaming.
• Sewing lessons. I can’t sew, I want to be able to sew, and I want to be able to make dresses WITH POCKETS, damnit.
• Online courses. There are two topics that I really want to be good at: Project Management and Data Analysis. I honestly don’t know how the Hell I’m going to use the knowledge after I finished the courses, but I want to learn them.
• Improving my writing and reading skills. Thanks to Automattic, I found the joy in writing and reading 🙂 I don’t know what I want to write, hahah, but I definitely going to read more and write more (book reviews!). I also plan to restart Impromptu Journal.
• Gardening. I want to have an actual garden in my balcony — as in, vegetable garden. I already have one chili plant, and I’m thinking of growing tomatoes and cilantro plants (oooo, the arrogance!)

For those of you who have been following my journey in Automattic, thank you 🙂 Here’s to more adventures ahead. Perhaps not an epic adventure. I would say Hobbit-like adventure (less the “walking to Mordor”-part and more of “second breakfast”-part.)

Also, in case you are curious, I’m not leaving WordPress — although, to be honest, I’m never super involved in the community anyway (fun fact: I never attend any WordCamp, ever.) The reason is that I’m too terrified of meeting new people — this blog is still powered by WordPress, and I owe a good chunk of my young adult life to WordPress.