It was last week, when my precise-as-clockwork period schedule suddenly missed for four days. At that time, there were three things on my mind:
- Perimenopause, since I’m 40 years old already,
- “IS THIS A CANCER?” — a very good reason why doctors all over the world discourage us to Google our symptoms, and…
- Pregnancy, which, “I don’t think it’s possible? I suppose to be on perimenopause, no?”
Then again, I decided to do a test, just to eliminate one possibility — until I saw a faint second line.
It was midnight, and Ari already fast asleep, but he still got awoken when he heard my “huh?”
“What happened?”
“Is— is this a second line?”
“Huh,” he rubbed his eyes and squinted it with hope it could ward off the sleepiness, “I honestly not sure. How about we check it again tomorrow morning?”
In the morning, I tested again. I did found it weird when the pharmacy cashier insisted that I should take another test pack when I bought it the day before. “Buy one get one free,” she said, and when I said I only need one, she repeated her words: “Buy one get one free, ma’am.” Well, I did use both of the test packs.
“So, how was it?” Ari popped his head on the bathroom door.
“Is this a second line?”
“Huh. Let me see. I… think so? Do you want to get a USG scan?”
“Yeah. We can also check with a doctor. Let’s go to the clinic nearby our house before we go to the hospital.”
In the clinic, I told the doctor that I wanted to check if I’m, indeed, pregnant. The doctor listened, and said, “I know you have tested it yourself, but you aren’t sure. Let’s test it again here, and if the result is negative, we can do a scan.”
I agreed, and I took another test. We waited outside the doctor’s office for several minutes and when the doctor called us back, she pushed a pregnancy test and said: “Congratulations.”
“Is it—?”
“Yes. It’s more prevalent now. The line is clearer.”
I must admit, my first thought was fear. It’s not that I’m not happy about the pregnancy, it’s just that I’m so scared if I couldn’t provide for the baby. I mean, in this economy? In this kind of world??
Both Ari and I talked about it in depth. Also, yes, I used contraceptive (IUD), that was why the news was such a shock. We then decided to contact our obstetrician and inform her this news. I remember our obstetrician muttered, “but it’s 99% success rate.” I hear you, but sometimes the 1% can make the whole lot differences. She then pulled out the IUD because the procedure requires her to do so, and let us discussed our next steps.
Long story short, we decided to continue the pregnancy.
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