Kuala Lumpur should be entering the summer-y season by now but it seems like heavy rains still here to stay. The rain created dramatic sunset — this is a major TIL for me.

The reddish hue that you see at sunset (especially during rainy seasons) is due to the reflection of light from the low-cloud base, which happens to be relatively close to the ground. This is how rain plays an important role in changing the hue of the sky from blue to pale-white, yellowish-orange (especially over brightly lit roads) or even reddish.

Why Does The Sky Sometimes Appear Reddish During Rainy Seasons?

Also, you might know about it, but last week we concluded our team meetup in Langkawi, Malaysia. For some of the teammates, it was their very first team meetup. For some, it was a team meetup after 2.5 years of no traveling.

It was bittersweet, really. We were so happy to meet each other, but at the same time we had looming anxiety of what-ifs and general concerns about pandemic.

Anyway! We stayed at this hotel named Camar Langkawi. In 2019, my colleagues stayed on this hotel too when they had their team meetup and they wouldn’t stop raving about it. My team almost stayed there back in 2020 when we planned our team meetup. Unfortunately, we had to cancel the booking due to Covid-19. It was after 2.5 years we finally return there.

The only thing that I’m concerned about is the accessibility on the hotel. Their elevator is quite small in size and might not be suitable for wheelchair.

During the team meetup, we chatted about our work and our day (something like “How I Work”-chat) and the discussion gave a fresh inspiration to the team to exercise more and be healthy. All of us are tech workers and we are bound to sit on our desk of hours. Some of the teammates lead a pretty active lifestyle, and they shared some tips and encouragements for others (especially me, your self-certified potato) to start exercising. So, yeah, apparently swimming at 7 AM is therapeutic.

I’m typing this as I’m waiting for my flight from Langkawi to Kuala Lumpur. For the past week, I have been in Langkawi for a team meetup — a first (for the team) after 2.5 years of no traveling. Even right now, I must admit, I’m still nervous about traveling.

I might write about the beauty of Langkawi, but right now I want to write about traveling — specifically, on how we see the process.

I believe I’m not exaggerating when I said that the pandemic makes us traumatized. Even for folks who can be considered as “doing okay” during the pandemic, the whole thing definitely caused psychological scars to some degree.

Prior the pandemic, both Ari and I travel a lot. Ari with his job, me with Automattic. For me, specifically, it wasn’t as many as Ari’s but there were definitely some trips going on — at least for the team meetup and the Grand Meetup.

Then the effing pandemic happened, and we stuck with each other for a long 2.5 years. We underwent multiple lockdowns, and we fast realized we only got each other — four of us.

I’m the first one in the family who got the work-related travel. The team decided on a team meetup. Ari mentioned that he hasn’t heard anything from his office; especially with the office found out that the staffs can still do a good dang job remotely.

Oh how the anxiety flared in — and it was not solely me feeling it. I noticed Rey sulked on the night before my flight to Langkawi. I found myself stressed out about home while I was away.

Then, work-related trips starting to pop out on the company’s Slack channel. Some destinations are even further than Langkawi.

My goodness, I found myself dragging my feet.

So many anxieties, so many worries, and so many guilts. The guilt.

If you are expecting this post to end with an enlightenment, prepare to be disappointed.

I feel really guilty. And anxious. And worried.

And I don’t know how to overcome it.